I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my human has finished watching a horror movie.
I will not slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium.
I will not perch on my human's chest in the middle of the night and stare into her eyes until she wakes up.
I will not stick my paw into any container to see if there is something in it. If I do, I will not hiss and scratch when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.
I will not play "dead cat on the stairs" while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will really come true.
I will not swat my human's head repeatedly when she's on the family room floor trying to do sit ups.
Dry cat food is both tasty and nutritious, and it is always available. I will not starve myself and act pitiful all day long in anticipation of the canned food.
I have long fur, and I must realize that this means that occasionally I will need to be brushed. When this happens I will not carry on like my skin is being scraped off by a cheese grater. This makes my cat buddies nervous.
When the human sets out 3 cat treats it's supposed to be one for each cat. I will not race around wolfing down all of the treats as fast as I can.
The Christmas tree is not made of catnip, and the ornaments are not toys.
It is difficult for the human to clean the litterbox when I'm using it. I will at least wait until his hands are clear.
I will remember that the sound of the doorbell ringing is not the seventh sign of the apocalypse. Neither is the sound of the phone ringing, or the dryer buzzer, or the alarm clock.