Back to get me through December

I'm sure there are lots of songs written about the month of December.  I'm sure there are lots of songs written about any month of the year, or day of the week for that matter.  But I feel like every year, I keep coming back to Get Me Through December, sung by Alison Krauss.  It has such a beautiful melancholy ache to it.  But I've also been going through a Taylor Swift kick lately (for the past year, probably), and she also has a beautifully melancholy song - Back to December.  (Taylor, dear, if you're going to be inside in the snow like that, you should wear warmer clothes...)

I'm sick today, and it has my mood down.  I found myself craving a listen to a good melancholy song, and one of my absolute favorite melancholy songs is Whiskey Lullaby, which is probably the most serious I've ever seen Brad Paisley.  But that's beside the point.  Also, the music video only makes the song more depressing, but that is also beside the point.

I'm sick today, so this is going to be all over the place.  Protip: don't share silverware with sick people.

November was an interesting month.  I managed to write about 12,000 words of my NaNo novel, which isn't very close to the 50,000 that is required to win, but I don't really feel like I failed.  Why not?  Well, because I tried.  I got a lot done.  I still have a story that I love, it just isn't all written yet.  And also, Patrick Rothfuss.  And that's really all I have to say on that matter.

I remember back when I was in seventh grade (which was a remarkably long time ago), finding a quote: "many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends can leave footprints on your heart".  I had a thing back then for inspirational quotes.  Right now my feeling towards them, at least towards the short ones, is about the same as my feeling towards out of context Bible verses: they might temporarily comfort or chasten us, they ultimately provide little guidance about how to live our lives.  For that we need context.  Or blind, bumbling experience.

This line especially has been coming back to mind lately, and, as much as I loved it then, it's bothering me now.  Why?  Because it implies that the only people who shape who we are are the ones who really love us.  And, nevermind the poeticalness that's in my head right now, that's bullshit.  Almost everyone I know has been shaped by a painful situation in their past, be it a hurtful person or just tragic circumstances.  That's not necessarily a bad thing - painful circumstances can easily be what make us grow.  Hurtful people can teach us how to love.

It also upsets me the way this quote dismisses the effect that incidental people have on us.  The woman who sat next to me on the airplane, as I flew home to see my grandmother for the last time.  I wouldn't call her a true friend.  We talked for an hour and never spoke again.  I've occasionally considered reaching out to try to thank her for comforting me, but I don't even remember her name.

I was talking with a friend's dad recently, and something he said struck me: "life is too short to let people drive to the fringes of our lives with bad feelings".  There was context, of course, and in context it was guidance.  But I can't help but think now of the implication: everyone in our lives is important.  I don't want to say that everyone in our lives is here for a reason, because I'm not currently a fan of "everything happens for a reason".  However, the people around us have things to teach us, and the people around us are all people, just like us.  While cherishing them may be hurtful, the world is ultimately better off for the love we share.  (And because someone I know is dealing with a stalker right now, I'm going to insert a disclaimer that cherishing does not mean clinging, and it is sometimes more loving to let people go.)

As such, I'm giving myself a goal for December that is slightly wishy-washy (meaning it isn't very trackable) but is very important to me.  I want December to be about cherishing the people in my life - avoiding losing people to bad feelings, as it were.  I'm not sure what form that will take, but I'm going to go for it and see what happens.  I hope that some of you will too.

To me, it isn't Halloween. It's the last day before November starts.

It's the last day of not writing a Novel.

People wear costumes to celebrate this day.  I am dressed as some sort of bohemian alien gypsy fairy thing.  It's pretty crazy.  But I'm pretty crazy.  Because November... what am I doing to myself?

I guess I did some things in October.  Mostly I started my job, and stopped doing other things as much. So I didn't read any of the adulting blog.  And I didn't manage to keep a journal going.  But I did do a lot of writing - I started writing a lot of letters.  And I have a lot more letters to write.  And I went to aerial circus twice, and am going tonight, so that's better than... not going.  (I found it incredibly difficult to be still awake at 8pm on Thursday my first two weeks of work).  So I did okay.

November has one goal: a 50,000 word novel.  I just also happened to sign up for a couple online classes, so I may not have time for anything this month.

The novel I will be writing is going to be The Mono Myth, about a girl who is rumored to have contracted mono and the social ramifications of this rumor.  The goals are to make it funny, actually have a plot of some form, and to not just write about my own life.  Also, to follow the monomyth obsessively.

If you want to read along with me, I'll be updating posting everything I write to this here Google Doc.  I even set it up so anyone can comment, so if you want tell me my writing is excellent or correct my run-on sentences or anything like that, you can do so in an easily accessible format and I'll have a nice and easy way to procrastinate on my writing when I don't quite want to write, because, face it, half of NaNoWriMo is how much you get done or don't get done when you're avoiding working on your novel.  At least in my experience.  (Woo, an 80 word sentence!)

That's all for now.  Happy Halloween, everyone, and happy writing to all my friends doing NaNo.

I guess its October now?

I think I always have this reaction to October.  Usually, it's like... wow, the first month of school went by quickly.  Now it's crazier, because I'm not in school... but I'm still having the same reaction to the new month.  My birthday?  I'm going to be 23?  But I still haven't figured out what to do with happy free confused and lonely at the same time!  (It's been kind of a Taylor Swift binge day.  Maybe later it'll be a Singing Bee binge day... maybe)

Anyways.  It's October.  Which means it's time for another one of these posts.  Maybe even time to actually do some things...

The only reason I'm a little apathetic about that is because Septembers goals feel a little forgotten right now.  This is probably because I spent the better part of the last week and a half out of town and therefore haven't done any work on most of them in that time period, but ... hey.

1. Job!  I have one!  So that part succeeded.
2. Sustainability blog!  It's started.  Only one post so far, and still needs a lot of work in the design department, but it's been made.  www.thegreenesteye.org for those of you who are interested.
3. Coding!  I did a little bit.  I'm working my way through Google's Android Development tutorial right now.  I also just found an open-source app that I want to modify to do something relevant to me (it's currently an app that counts how many times you've skipped each class, I want to turn it into something useful for counting knitting rows).
4. Reading!  I wanted to dig into my increasingly large stack of Economist and Scientific American Mind magazines, and my books.  I read one book that wasn't on the list at the start of September, and I finished a handful of Economists, but thanks to traveling, I'm behind again.  Whoops.
5. Turning off the technology?  That was going really well until yesterday.  I think I can keep it up.
6. Calling people?  Oh... right... I did get on the phone with a couple people, but didn't make a huge effort.

Maybe my birthday reminded me.  Maybe it was just time.  But over the past few days I've realized... this all sounds cliche, but I'm needing to step into adulthood, and really take care of myself, and maybe spend some time getting to know myself, and all that kind of stuff.  Fun stuff, right?  Ironically, the series at the young adults group right now is titled "Arrested Development" and is about... knowing and overcoming how your past affects your current and future self.

1. Being an adult: so far, all 3 posts I've read at adultingblog.com have been really good. I'm going to try to read more of them.
2. Take care of myself: I think it's time to go back to Aerial Circus, since paddleboarding season seems to be over.  And go back to meditating.  And put a little effort into eating a little better.  But mostly circus.
3. Get to know myself: I've always found the best way to process thoughts is journaling.  But if I just write, it usually just ends up a chronicle of my day - the "happy things" journal, while fantastic, was no exception.  What I want to do is more actual writing.  The kind of writing that I've seen on my own blog at times (I actually surprised myself, re-reading some of the things I've written on here.  I should write more often!)  So I've looked up some journal prompts and am going to try to write about one of them every day.  Ask some questions.  Answer them.  Maybe while I'm at it, take some questions from church or TED talks or books I'm reading as well.  Just get to writing about more than just what's happening in my life.  It should be helpful, and it should also be great practice for when NaNoWriMo comes around next month.  That's right.  I know what I'm doing in November already.  That one... that one will be fun.

September Challenge

I was all ready to write this post up on the last day of August (nevermind even the first of September, I was so on top of things) and then this happened.  Not literally that, and that isn't really all that happened over the past few days, but I definitely spent all my computer time for a couple days reading through that entire webcomic.  While I love my roommate for sending this to me, I also... wouldn't mind getting my last few days back.

So... a few days late...

August's sugar reduction went okay.  I feel like I didn't actually make much effort aside from occasionally deciding not to have dessert... but I don't really want to do extreme diet changes until I'm living on my own and cooking for myself.

September is going to be a little crazier.  Feel free to tell me I'm overdoing it...

1. Main goal for September is to get a job.  Not much needs saying there.  I'm ready to start my career, and I feel like now is a good time to really focus on that.
2. Relevant to getting a job - I want to finally get my sustainability blog up and running this month.  Right now it exists, but nothing is written yet.  Hopefully I can spend some time changing that.  (You'll be able to find it at www.thegreenesteye.org)
3. Also related to finding a job, but less so... I want to restore my CS confidence, and I know the only way to do that is by actually coding... so I'm going to try to take a little time each day to work on coding.  (This is my only concrete goal that I can actually say "yes, I did exactly that" about.)

The other half of my goals seem to be more focused on slowing down.  Which I guess is good, considering the first three will be mental effort enough.

1. Reading!  My to-read pile is really insane right now (like... really...).  4 books, and that's just the books I actually have in my possession.  Also, several months worth of Economist magazines and a few other random things.  I'd like to chip away at that a bunch.  I also discovered on Sunday how nice it is to sit down and read the Sunday paper... on Sunday.  Instead of stretching it out all week.  So hopefully I can do that more often and that will help cut down on how much reading material I have left.  I'd like to take a little time each day to spend just reading, and maybe try to get through a book or two and bunch of the magazines over the course of the month.
2. One way to help accomplish this will be turning off the technology.  I'm phrasing it exactly like that for a reason - I don't want to say "disconnect more" or "try not to be so obsessive about interacting with my computer" or whatever because usual ways of phrasing it focus on *not* doing something bad... and that just leads to failing to break a bad habit and feeling guilty about it.  However, having spent a week on Mt. Hood with only limited technological interaction at the same time that tech columnist Monica Guzman was taking a week off from technology altogether, I found my experience was a lot like hers - refreshing.  I also realized after the fact that the easiest way for me to avoid interacting with technology is the same as hers - by turning it off.  So instead of saying "less technology" I'm saying "turn off the computer when I'm done with it" and giving myself the chance to think twice before turning it back on.  New additional goal for this month: turning off my phone's internet connection a little earlier in the evening than I usually do, and replacing that last (generally fruitless) Facebook and email check with more reading.
3. Finally, my favorite of the month's goals: calling people.  After my week on Mt. Hood truly connecting deeply with people, I realized that I miss the days when friends and I would call each other... to chat... without warning, and end up talking on the phone for a couple hours about whatever.  It seems like the only time random phone calls happen now is when we're really desperate for someone to talk to, and I don't want my friendships to be like that.  Also, I read recently in The Economist that a new study is out correlating Facebook use with dissatisfaction with life and person-to-person or telephone interaction with positive life satisfaction.  They didn't look into the correlation between facebook use and other kinds of interaction, but my guess is that this is partly because facebook and texting tend to replace other kinds of interaction (at least for me, they do).  Oh, and a bunch of other things happened too to make me realize this was a good idea.  Basically, this month I'm going to try to call people, just to chat.  I'm also going to make myself be open to phone calls, so... if you want to chat, call me.  If you don't have my phone number... I assume everyone reading this knows me and knows some method of getting a hold of me, so feel free to ask.  I'll try to answer anytime, but if not, just leave a message (or text me to call back) and I will call back as soon as I can.

Whew.  That's all.  If you actually read all that... thank you.  I hope it was worth it.

A Not-So-Sweet August Challenge

So apparently I can't tell the difference between my two blogs.  They both have food names.  I spent a little longer than I should have trying to figure out which blog to post this on.  (And hopefully by the end of August I'll have a third going... so that'll make things even more interesting).

Anyways.

July went well.  I stopped walking in my hiking boots after I went camping and found them to be fairly well broken in.  That might be cheating, but... oh well.

I also haven't actually written anything in my happy journal in about a week (work is busy and I'm wiped out by the time I go to bed each night) but I feel like the process of the journal did really help improve my mood.  So I may try to keep it up.

For August, I'm going kind of on a whim.  I keep thinking I want to do something food-related, and I also keep thinking that I consume too much sugar.  That in mind, in August I'm going to be trying to cut sugar.  I'm not saying "no sugar" because... I'm not that committed.  But at least no sugar in my Cheerios in the morning.  And at least trying to find something else to eat when I'm in that mode of needing a snack.  So I guess no cinnamon toast for the month either.

We'll see how this goes...

More Happy Things

Well one thing that is definitely happy: this is post 100 on this blog.  Which probably counts the couple of drafts that are sitting and won't ever be posted, but still... that's something.

Anyways, it's been a long and somewhat rough week, what with starting a new job and Tyler moving away.  But that's not what this is about.

I do love my new job still, and I'm getting good at it.  Plus, it has the awesome perk of going to some really cool events around town.  This past weekend I went to SolarFest, which is a festival focused on solar power and other green things.  Which apparently includes alpacas, llamas, and Ciscoe Morris.  Came face-to-face with all of these, and saw some cool technology as well.

Happy Things, week 3

I haven't managed to keep my journal this week, because I was camping for the start of it, brought but didn't write in it at all, then took a couple days to unpack, and have just been too tired at the end of the day to do anything but crash.

On the other hand, this is a very good thing.

So good things for the week:

1. Camping, of course.  Went out to Lake Quinalt and had a relaxing couple days.
2. Started my job.  It's fantastic.  Exhausting and rather challenging but really quite fantastic.
3. Started a new knitting project.  It's a big green gorgeous blanket.  Nice to finally have something to work on again.  Maybe I'll finish it by winter.

Someone else's finished result of the same pattern.
Source: Stockinette Knits

Happy things, Week 2

This has been a pretty good week.  A few hitches, as always happens, but a lot to be happy about.

1. I got a job!  A part time job promoting Puget Sound Energy's Green Power program, which is a program where Puget Sound Energy customers can sign up to pay more and know their energy is coming from renewable sources (PSE is audited by a third party to ensure that they actually are buying as much renewable energy as their clients pay for.)  While it's only part time, it is doing exactly what I want to be doing: educating the public about the importance of sustainability and helping them achieve it.
2. A free electric toothbrush from the dentist, my reward for telling him repeatedly that I'd use one as soon as he gave me one (don't try this at home?  I've been going to the same dentist for 20 years, and my parents for even longer)
3. Plenty of fun physical activity: a high ropes course, paddleboarding, walking an adorable dog, hiking on trails near my house that I didn't know existed.
4. Plenty of spending time with good friends who I don't see often enough (breakfast dates are the best).
5. Finally: last night was the MEOW Cat Shelter Auction.  It's always a really fun event, John Curley is a hilarious auctioneer, and a lot of money went to an organization that I really strongly care for.  Plus... it's always fun when celebrities talk to you (even if it's just John Curley, and it's just "thanks for coming" as you walk by him).

I've even kept up with breaking in my hiking boots mostly.  I'm going camping next week so hopefully they're good and broken in by now, or else hiking won't be as much fun.

Happy things, week 1

I meant to post this yesterday, but I got a migraine, so all bets are off.  (Still fighting this one, it's a doozy... grr).

Anyways, it's been a slow week, but probably the best part was Tuesday night, when I decided, for whatever crazy reason, that I wanted to jump in the lake after sunset.  So my boyfriend and I sat at the park, eating our "dessert" (which was a pizza...) until the sun went down, when we packed up and jumped in the lake.

It was cold.

But it still felt really good.  Refreshing or something like that.  Plus, it was a nice dose of impulsive.

Now I need to get back on walking, because them hiking boots aren't gonna break themselves in...

I guess I'm back (July Challenges)

I was going to end this blog.

I had decided, on the drive home from college, that I was going to retire it.  It seemed appropriate, seeing as I started this endeavor near the beginning of my time in school.  Besides, half my motivation had been to see if I could make any money through Google Adsense, and that hardly worked out (I made the quota of ad money, but never received my check).

My thought had been to write some quirky funny post about things I learned in college, as a way of finishing it.  But it's July now.  I graduated nearly a month and a half ago, it's a little late for that, and I still don't have ideas.

However, when asking friends for advice for a monthly challenge for July (since I did none in June and failed my only challenge for May), the advice I got was not only to do a certain challenge, but to blog about it.

So, knowing that at least 2 people will faithfully read what I write, blog about it I will!

I've got two main challenges this month.

1.  A happy journal.  This summer so far has been kind of rough, and this month especially will be difficult (various reasons, most predominantly that my boyfriend is moving to another state at the end of the month, for who knows how long).  As a way of counteracting that and hopefully helping myself keep a positive attitude, I'm going to keep a journal every night only of good things that happened that day (or, good things in general if I can't think of any for the day).  Then I'll be blogging at the end of the week about the highlights.  If this goes well, I may try to keep it up, but I'll stick to a month for now.

2.  Walking!  I had been planning on making my goal for July to run every day, but last week, I thought I'd try it out first.  My hope had been to ultimately run around the block (1 mile).  I got all ready to run, headed out the door, started running, and before I'd made it to the first turn, I was out of breath.  Like... hurt to breathe how am I gonna get back home out of breath.  So that backfired badly.  (Granted - it was up a steep hill.)  However, I have a new pair of hiking boots that needs breaking in, so I think I'll do a daily walking, just so I can get those used to being used (woooo homophones).  Maybe I can even speedwalk and try to push my time around the block.  We'll see.

So there you have it.  July has goals.  We'll see what August brings.  I know come November, my goal will be writing a novel!  That one I'm excited about, for sure.

Rest of the pictures + April goal

April is going to be busy.  In fact, most of March had a lot going on, and I got sick, which made everything crazy.

As such, I didn't quite picture a day.  I did picture most days, though, so that's good.  I also didn't nearly catch up on magazines, but I'll keep working on it.  I did finally post my narwhal pattern for sale on Ravelry, and I'll be posting another pattern soon.

For April, I don't want to push myself.  Instead I want to let myself relax.  So my goals for this month are to spend a solid amount of time meditating (set my alarm for at least ten minutes), and to stretch every day.  And eat plenty of fruits and vegetables.  And to sleep.  Nothing i don't do ordinarily, but all things I'm likely to cut out when I'm stressed, and all things that help me not be stressed.

And I'm definitely stressed - woke up at 4:30 this morning and couldn't fall back asleep, so I finally got up and cleaned the kitchen.  By 6:15 there was a very clean kitchen...

Okay, pictures!

March 11: Minecraft magnets.  Note the quote in the middle,
I think it's fitting.

March 11: My car had pretty tree shadows on it.

March 13: Waking up before sunrise is painful,
but it brings a nice view.

March 15: This green tape is less frustrating
when it's my own commencement they're preparing for.

March 17th: Tyler and I went to a concert over break.
We got to chat with the performers for a bit, because
house concerts are awesome like that.

March 18th: Two months until graduation!
Spent the day in LA, and this house was cool.

March 18th: Went to the beach to watch the sunset.  It was
far too cloudy.  Isn't that a gorgeous sunset?

March 18th: We saw the Hollywood sign!
And the Berlin sign.

March 18th: A tombstone at the Getty Villa.
The descriptive sign says that it is unclear
whether this tombstone was meant to commemorate
a person or a dog.

 

March 19th: gotta love a dirty kitchen.

March 22: Trees suck at standing up straight.

March 22: Trees .... wat?

March 23: Lizard has quite the tail.

March 24: First attempt at sourdough

March 25: Economist trying to be funny?

March 26: There was an airplane in this picture, I swear.

March 27: I made a dog!

March 28: I made a cute thing!
Self-designed pattern too.

March 28: So what's in those brownies?

March 30: Not the first time I've seen this bus.

Pictures: March 3 - 8

March 3, Oops: I forgot to take a picture until the very last minute, and I'd been
in my room all day, so this is what I had on hand... my lamp and my curtain.  Meh...

March 4, Trapped: I was thinking about pictures all day, but not enough...
Just as the sun was going down, I took one through the screen.

March 6 Cactus: Walking back from class, I thought... man that plant is huge. 
I've walked by it every day this semester, but didn't really see it until now.

Another March 6, "Where's the Mountain go?": I gestured North, only to realize
that the mountain I was gesturing towards wasn't visible.

March 7, Church: You can continue to use your phones during service, but please
turn off the flash.

March 7, Loneliness (or Fear): What I usually feel
when walking to IV meetings.

 

March 8, Hanging: I happen to love this quilt.

March 2: Cinnamon Rolls

I made cinnamon rolls yesterday.  This is before baking - they look more like cinnamon rolls in this picture then the after picture.

More pictures and the story of baking them will be posted shortly on Unintended Nachos.

March 1: Cosmetic Desert

While getting ready for my dorm's fancy party, I noticed that my bronzer was broken.  Behold, broken bronzer, in its full glory.

February, you're gone so soon!

I think I wanted to post something two weeks ago, but apparently that didn't happen.  Here I am at the end of another month, looking back on my month's goals...

1. Cut unnecessary spending: done.  My main goal was to finish February having spent less money than I earned, and I succeeded, even though my next paycheck is tomorrow.  Tomorrow!  I'm going to get 3 in March, apparently!  The success was only by 5 dollars, but I wasn't cutting back on my food, and food is my main expense, so I'm still proud of myself.  I'll try to keep it up in March.

2. Keep in touch with friends: done.  Sorta.  My intent was to connect with someone every day and that may have happened?  It's surprising how much I text people.  I definitely feel a bit more in touch with certain people now than I did before, but there are others who I still feel the need to contact again.  Like my cousin... I need to not forget to call him back.

3. Cut internet / time wasting and spend more time with more relaxing breaks.  I forgot about this one, actually, but I have significantly cut my internet time... I'm not sure if that came with prioritizing other kinds of breaks or just with being busier.  I know part of it, however, is that I'm now reading magazines with breakfast instead of being on the computer... and that's The Economist, so it feels productive too.

I'm starting to realize that there's a few different types of goals I could have.  There are the "in general, I want to _______" goals, like spending less than I earn and cutting internet time.  Then you have to-do list type goals, like "I want to knit a scarf", etc.  Finally, there are the daily challenges.  Its probably good to figure out what each goal is when I start rather than get halfway and be like "heyyyyy, I thought I was going to do something every day but I think I'm still in the spirit of it."

March is going to be interesting, since not only does it have Spring Break in it, it also is bound to be less stressful than February was.  I haven't really thought about things I want to do this month, so lets see what comes of this.

1. Stop complaining about generic business or tiredness.  There's a culture around here, it feels like, of competing to be the busiest and the tiredest.  And where does it really leave us?  Now, if I'm legitimately feeling stressed or couldn't sleep, that's one thing.  But if I'm feeling generally pretty good, I don't think I should be complaining.  This is a sort of wishy-washy goal but we'll see what happens.

2. Finally write up the pattern for my crochet narwhal and post it for sale on Ravelry.  It just needs to happen.

3. Catch up on Economist so I'm reading the most current one, not one from 2-3 weeks ago.  (Sooner rather than later, methinks).

4. Now for something fun: I want to do a photo a day challenge.  I guess I don't need to explain that one.  Maybe I'll try to post pictures here, and try to take pictures with stories.

Something inspiring: http://dharmacomics.com/

Edit: 5. Update the design here and on Unintended Nachos.  I can has web design?

Resolutions, month 2

At the start of the new year, I made a resolution I still intend to keep: to start a new 30 day challenge (or more) at the beginning of each month.

To hold myself accountable to that, I'm going to report on how old goals went and what new ones I'm starting right here.  I doubt anyone would remind me of this fact, should I not post at the start of a new month, but ... it'll still help.  And maybe someone will join me and be an accountability partner in a 30 day challenge.

So, my goals from last month:

1. Sweater: knitted!  I know, it doesn't look quite knitted, but I did finish the other sleeve.  I just don't like any of the pictures of myself wearing the completed sweater quite as much as I like this one.

2. Learn HTML/CSS: Still working on it.  School happened.

3. Job research and applications: still going strong.  I've put in 2 applications since the start of January, have one company I plan on applying for at some point, and one company approached me with a position I'm now interviewing for.

4. A post here and on UnintendedNachos each week: Ha.  Ha... ha... yeah, I shouldn't keep setting post rate goals for myself.  It's never going to happen.

.....

February is going to be a really busy month, thanks to clinic (which is awesome, but time consuming).  So I don't want to make any big plans that might just make me too stressed.  A couple plans though:

1. Cut unnecessary spending: thanks to a lack of winter break paychecks and the amazing ski resorts of the Pacific Northwest, I spent a lot more money than I earned in January.  So February is going to be about reversing that.  Stick to buying food and other things I need.

2. Get back in touch: Over the summer I told myself I'd write a letter every day.  As it turns out, that's really difficult, especially because people don't often write back (so it's hard to find people to write to).  In February, I'm going to give myself an easier job in the same spirit: make an effort every day to connect with someone I don't often talk to, especially people who aren't on campus.  Just texting someone is fine.  I'll try to gather a list of people I'd like to talk to more at some point (but no, I won't be sharing that one).

3. More intense relaxation: too often I find myself spending my free time staring at the internet, wishing I could do something "fun".  Ultimately, I feel no less stressed and usually just mad at myself for wasting time.  To change that, I'm starting February with a good idea of things I really love doing and want to do more of, and that I find relaxing.  I'll carve out regular time to do those things and cut internet time, so I'm ultimately more productive and feeling better.  I've been working on this one already, and found that it's easy to stay off Facebook if I know I want to be off Facebook and I log off - giving myself an extra few seconds to think about why I want to log in.  Same goes for the rest of the sites I frequent.  Logging off pretty much cuts my desire to be on.  And the prospect of doing the relaxing things I love - knitting, reading, baking and spending meaningful time with friends - makes it easier to say no to the less relaxing things I don't like so much.

The third is a goal I think many of us could benefit from.  Does anyone want to join me?  Let me know, and we can work together!  Same goes for the other two, actually.

Here's to a fantastic month :)

Driving in the moment

Over the summer, I started meditating.  It's something I'd been meaning to try for several years, honestly, but I never quite got the motivation.  Then I discovered that there's a subreddit for meditation.  There's a subreddit for just about everything, actually, but subscribing to this one is probably the best decision I made last summer.

While just thinking "I hear meditation is good for you, I should try it" wasn't great at making me actually want to start, seeing lots of testimonies about the benefits of meditation and tips on how to do it every time I logged into Reddit was a fantastic push into the world of mindfulness.

To say that meditation was "helpful" would probably be an understatement.  After starting to meditate, I slept better, was more focused (most of the time), and was significantly less stressed.  When I say significantly, I mean... since I started meditation, I haven't needed to take my anti-anxiety medication.  Since I started meditation, I also wrote my entire thesis, so it wasn't because I wasn't under any pressure.

Fast forward to last weekend.  I was driving my car down to campus so I could have an easier time getting all my stuff back home after graduation.  It's a long drive, supposedly around 18 hours but, including our detours off the highway for lunch and sleep, I'm pretty sure it took closer to 24 hours of driving... 3 very long days.

As long as the driving was, though, it wasn't painful.  It was peaceful.  Meditative, you might say.  Driving is the ultimate test of living in the moment, because when you're driving, the most important thing to pay attention to is what's going on around you - not doing this has very real and costly consequences.

Much of the drive was also gorgeous...

In addition to the need to pay attention, driving to campus was a reset, in a way - three days where all I had to do was get to the next location, and if someone else was driving, I could knit or read.  I had my phone on hand if I needed it, but otherwise I was disconnected.  I was waking up early to get where I needed to be, and I was with a couple of the people I most enjoy being around.  We even managed to stop at a beach on the last day.  It was the perfect combination of peaceful and fun.


Since the drive, I've been waking up earlier (my sleep schedule never went back to what it was before), and feeling better.  I'm looking at a completely overwhelming semester with excitement, and looking forward not just to the overwhelming amount of classwork and workwork... but to the time I'll have to spend with friends before I graduate, and the time I'll have to read and knit and do things I like to do.


Maybe I'm over-optimistic.  I think I can pull it off if I really want to.

Baby Turns vs the Big Slope

I went skiing yesterday.  It was good fun.  There was snow, and a hill, and I went down the hill.  Something like that.  A few times I went down into the snow.  The usual drill.  Nothing big.

But actually, every time I go skiing it is something big.

I don't remember wanting to learn to ski.  I remember my mom thinking it would be a good idea, socially, to be a skier - something I can do with friends, since most of my friends are skiers.  The thought of attaching my feet to long planks of wood and sliding down a hill more than freaked me out.  I didn't want to be at the mercy of gravity.  I've mentioned before that I'm scared of falling, and, somewhat related, I managed to go through the entire Red Cross Learn to Swim program without ever learning to dive.  I can do racing dives now, for swim team, but it took getting my Water Safety Instructor certification to be able to stand on the edge of a 1-meter diving board and dive off it.  No jumping, no fancy anything in the air.  It never happened.

Nowadays, I enjoy skiing, but its still a lot of work to get to a point of feeling like I'm in control. Steep slopes still scare me, even in little bits.

The first (and pretty much only) black run I went on was practically a face.  Not exactly... easy when you're scared of slopes.  But I was going down with a ski instructor and a class that was just as scared as I was, and the instructor knew how to handle it.  One turn at a time.  We worked our way down the hill in a line, only considering the small patch of hill in front of us, the skill required for a single turn.  Then stop.  Then turn again.  Then stop and celebrate one more victory over the mountain.

So it was yesterday, when I encountered a couple steep slopes that were just big enough to be intimidating.  Looking down at the whole slope was scary, but one turn is manageable.  Eventually, the slope gets shallower and I can keep going... much faster than it would if I just stared at the whole thing and got scared.

So it is in life.  Sometimes it's good to look at the big picture and not get caught up in the nit-picky details, but often we're faced with tasks that are too large and scary to comprehend all at once.  For me, right now, that task is finding a job.  "Find a job" is huge.  Updating my resume isn't.  Emailing someone to ask if they know of anyone who's hiring isn't.  Cleaning my room can be big, but picking up my jacket isn't.  And one jacket at a time, it'll get easier.

... [well written, inspirational conclusion].

New Month's Resolutions

I'm sure I'm not alone in the yearly battle with New Year's resolutions.  It's a new year, so I should come up with some fantastic goals for a year's scale!  Then by the end of January (by the end of January 1, even), you've completely forgotten what goals you set for yourself, and completely forgotten to care.

I always wrote down my resolutions somewhere I could find them later (my journal, usually), so that by the end of the year I could look back and see if I accomplished them.  You know, see if I happened to do what I told myself I'd do but forgot to put any effort into doing.  Sometimes, I succeeded.  For instance, when I said "volunteer", I'd already submitted an application for a volunteer position I'd wanted for years... and I've always wanted to try ballroom dancing so the year that was my goal... well, I got an opportunity and took it.  Note that in both those situations, though, the solution was thrown at me, or at least something that was ridiculously easy to obtain.

Otherwise, there were two main problems with my resolutions, probably the same problems most people have.  Problems that made it weird to look back a year later and say "I told myself I'd do that?"

First, many of my resolutions weren't year-long goals.  They are things that I intend to accomplish by, say, July.  So when next December rolls around, I look back and go "hmmmm... well that was a while ago".  A couple years ago, I put my Gold Award on my resolution list.  Come winter break of my first year of college, and finishing my Gold Award had happened... soooooo long ago.  It'd be the same if I made a resolution for this year to be "graduate" or "find a job".  A good thing to work at for the next couple months, but really not worth a whole year's resolution.

Other goals were immediate desires.  One year, I had "learn yo-yo" on my resolution list.  Needless to say, I stopped caring about learning yo-yo, and its not like the level of expertise I wanted was worth spending more than a week or two on anyways.  Etc.

The biggest issue with my New Year's resolutions, though, is that so many of them are too ephemeral, and don't come with an actual course of action.  This is the problem with the classic "lose weight" and "exercise more" type goals.  Except mine are even worse, since there are some set courses of action for losing weight and being more active.  One resolution I had, two years ago, was "embrace adventure".

Wat.

No seriously.  Wat?

I have a different idea this year.  Let's see if it holds.  (Trust me... it probably won't.  But worth thinking about anyways).  Recently I watched a TED talk about 30 Day Challenges, which you should all watch, because it's short and inspiring.  The basic premise is picking something you want to do and then doing it for 30 days.  A month isn't that long, so even crazy things could be a challenge (don't buy anything is a common one).

I'm considering picking a new challenge or two each month this year, just to see how it goes.  Unfortunately, I'm halfway through break right now, and had a couple goals for break I'm already working on, so those may be my goals for right now.

1. Knit a sweater (will be done by the end of break)
2. Obtain basic knowledge of HTML and CSS, which is happening thanks to Codecademy

New goals for January?
How about getting a post here and a post on Unintended Nachos each week.
And since I really need to do it, getting some job research done.  Maybe applying for some things.

Anyone else want to join me in having New Month's resolutions each month?  Got any fun ideas for New Month's goals?  Let me know!

Now that I'm done with (and have passed!) thesis...

1. You can expect a lot more blog posts.  I have ideas brewing again, finally.

2. If you want to read my thesis, you can do so here: http://scholarship.claremont.edu/scripps_theses/139

3. If you don't want to read my thesis, you should still read my acknowledgements, because I enjoyed writing them.

*****

I would like to say thank you to everyone who helped me write this thesis.

First, to my readers, Professors Matt Delmont and Mary Cardenas, for their support and encouragement in this process, and for reminding me at optimal moments that my thesis wasn’t about to write itself.

To the unofficial readers who were willing to dive into my paper and provide me useful feedback just to help a friend: Jake, Nina, Amanda, Emily, Mariam, Mom, Tyler, Greg and Rachel.  It wouldn’t have gotten to this point without your ideas and advice.

To Scott and Jacob, for stress relieving pun breaks, breaded cats, and general suitemate love whenever I needed it.

To Cecily and Josh, because it isn’t a party without you.

To Grant, for warding off my writers block and always making me laugh.  I’m glad you got over your fear of hurdles, and I hope you can find your watch in time.

To Dave, because even though you weren’t around to see me write a thesis, I know you would have been rooting for me the whole way.

And finally, to my parents, not only for believing in me, but reminding me that I have plenty of reasons to believe in myself.  Thank you for all of your love and support.